But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”                                                                                                – Luke 2:10-12 (NIV)

I had heard the holidays in the first year after losing a loved one are tough. Facing each special occasion after the loss of my dad and older brother was even more difficult than I imagined. More grief came with the realization that my family’s holidays would never be the same without each member there.

I had an especially hard time that first Christmas without my loved ones. Going into stores with all the decorations, lights, and music felt crushing. I even had to limit my own décor to just a few symbolic items like the manger, artwork with encouraging Scriptures, and small trees my son asked to set up.

Many times, I turned off the radio in my car to avoid hearing about the jolliness I didn’t feel. But on the drive to a Christmas gathering one night, I listened to “Holy Forever (Christmas)” by Chris Tomlin. The truth in the song pushed through the surface (my outer attempt to hold myself together) and reached into my heart, releasing my pent-up emotions and tears.

I wasn’t looking forward to being around people who were rejoicing instead of grieving. I didn’t want to “be merry” or play games. As I looked across the Houston cityscape that night, I felt so out of place. I knew my dad and brother would have felt out of place there too.

In that moment, I deeply felt the pain of separation from my dear loved ones whom I had known all my life. I longed to have them back. I wanted to see them, hug them, and hear their voices. I wished our family could all be together again.

And as I traveled through the dark night, I experienced Christmas—the real, true, and sacred meaning of Christmas. The God who knew the depths of my pain and sorrow was with me. God had sent His Son, Jesus, to earth as a baby so I wouldn’t have to be apart from Him.

Jesus is the Way for us to be connected back to our Heavenly Father. And what a Wonderful Way He is! Jesus died on the cross and rose for us. When we put our faith in Jesus, God sends His Holy Spirit to live in our hearts. The Holy Spirit comforts and helps us in our distress (John 14:26, 2 Corinthians 1:3).

All of humankind was once separated from God because of our sin. But God never intended death or parting to be permanent for us. Jesus Christ was born on Christmas Day so all of us who believe in Him can live with our Everlasting Father and our brothers and sisters in Christ forever (Isaiah 59:2, Romans 3:23, 6:23).

I know my view of Christmas will never be the same. Moving forward, I will look beyond gifts and gleaming colors to see the blessings God brings. And I will hearken to hear His Holy Word amidst the jingling bells:

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace (Isiah 9:6 NIV).